by Olivia Anderson and Hireshel Berame

Throngs of faculty and students flooded the Woodbridge High School gymnasium for the annual student-faculty basketball game on Friday, February 27th. With aspirations of being the first group to dominate the staff, Woodbridge’s students were ready for the long shot.

After two quarters of skinned knees and life-threatening scratches to their arms, the students returned to their bench with their tails between their legs. However, their egos and spirits were not the only things deflated, as the students suspected the ball in play might have been their downfall, lacking in size and air.

Puzzled and curious, the students began an investigation to see if a heinous crime had been perpetrated. Demetrius Rodriguez and Niyam Shah, the student team’s primary point-guards, felt the teachers were desperate to keep their undefeated record spotless, and didn’t doubt such devious play.

The obvious factor was the students’ inability to sink their shots. “I hit one shot—most guys couldn’t sink one—, and the size didn’t feel right in my hands,” explained Shah.

Rodriguez agreed. “Yeah, I bet they did it to throw our shots off. They’ve probably been practicing with that ball every day at their morning practices,” he speculated.

Principal Lottmann, one of the primary defensive players, vehemently denied any allegations of wrongdoing. “I have no idea what they’re talking about,” Mr. Lottmann said. “They’re just down that they lost. They just need a scapegoat to blame their defeat on. But hey, there’s always next year.”

History teacher and former Brown University basketball player, Mr. Sienkiewicz, shied away from the allegations, instead, using the game as a teachable moment. “Well, lessons are open for all who are willing to learn. We just found a new place to teach them a few things, outside of the classroom. Hopefully next year, we get some competition,” he said.

With Sienkiewicz’s comment in mind, the students are preparing for whatever size ball is thrown in their court next year.