Since returning to Woodbridge High School four years ago, Mr. Lottmann, the school’s principal, has been known for his active sponsorship of Rowan University, claiming to be an alumnus of the university. While many people in the building believed him without question, it turns out that it’s not true.

Displayed around Lottmann’s office are apparel, signs, and posters bearing Rowan University’s name, but Mr. Lottmann’s attitude toward the school is perhaps his greatest tribute.

Recently, for example, a senior was verbally attacked by Mr. Lottmann for wearing a TCNJ shirt. “I was just trying to listen to Ms. Hain’s beautiful lecture when he popped in and disturbed the peace. I feel personally victimized,” said Courtney Cholewa.

Teachers have also been on the receiving end of Mr. Lottmann’s ire, including Ms. Gardner, Ms. Wauters, Ms. Maldonado, and Mr. O’Halloran. “I think he’s jealous,” Ms. Wauters said about what she assumed was playful banter amongst colleagues.

For his part, Mr. Lottmann claims strict allegiance to Rowan. “If I can be reincarnated into anything, I would choose to become a Prof. That’s actually my second wish. Becoming Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will always be first place in my heart,” said Mr. Lottmann.

“Yeah, that’s a lie,” said a district administrator, speaking under condition of anonymity. While looking through his personnel file, the district administration found substantial evidence that Mr. Lottmann, in fact, went to The College of New Jersey, graduating in the year 2000.

The smoking gun is his diploma, which clearly states that Mr. Lottmann received a degree in Math Education from the prestigious state school.

“It’s shocking. I have no idea why he would lie about going to the best school in the state,” Ms. Maldonado said, who also graduated from TCNJ. “Who forges a Rowan diploma?”

That remains the question. Currently, research is being done to uncover why Mr. Lottmann suppressed the fact that he went to the school he criticizes the most.

Conjecture has it that Mr. Lottmann was embarrassed for attending TCNJ because Rowan, for whatever reason, was his dream school, and he was rejected during the admissions process. Until the truth comes out, students and staff are encouraged to ignore Mr. Lottmann’s chants of, “Go profs!” throughout the halls.