By Alex LaGrippo

Since McDonald’s opened in the shopping center across from Woodbridge High School, students have forgotten the rules of the road and ignored common sense. With their focus on heavily salted fries, and a handful of warm, crispy “chicken” nuggets, students often run across Route 35, causing total mayhem every day after the dismissal bell.

To combat the issue, the Woodbridge Township Police Department began to issue jaywalking tickets to students caught crossing the busy road illegally. Despite their best efforts, the students did not take the hint.

Now, after millions of dollars in fines and over 100 reports of students injured by moving vehicles—and even the occasion stampede—the school district, police department, emergency medical services, and McDonald’s have teamed up in an unprecedented effort to reduce the number of summons and injuries. This week, the coalition will proudly introduce the McShuttle.

The McShuttle is simply a school bus that any student can take to and from Mickey D’s. Interested students will find the bus in the front of the line parked outside of the school each day. The bus will cost $1.38 (exact change only), and will run until 6 PM, with the first bus leaving at 2:45 and the last at 5:45.

“This is a huge opportunity for our school,” Woodbridge High School principal Glen Lotman said. “For the first time since McDonald’s opened, we won’t have to worry about jaywalking. I really thought the Township was going to have to build a pedestrian bridge over Route 35. It was getting that serious.”

According to Mr. Lotman—who recently changed his name from Glenn Lottmann, but that’s another story—the bus fare will help fund a remodel of the school’s cafeterias. As part of the agreement with the fast food conglomerate, the cafeterias will exclusively carry McDonald’s food, and all cafeteria staff will be fully trained McDonald’s employees.

The deal seems to be a win-win for everyone involved, but there is a catch—McDonald’s will only serve breakfast in the cafeterias before the 7:40 bell, so students are encouraged to get to school on time for a change.

(On a very serious note, The Barron Perspective would like to caution everyone leaving school grounds to visit McDonald’s: Use the crosswalks. They’re in place for your safety, and it’s the law. Please do not put your life at risk to get a cheeseburger quicker.)