Shocking news has approached Woodbridge High. Mr. Stadtmiller, known for being a true bald teacher at WHS, who students thought didn’t need to shave, has a long overdue secret that must be revealed.
Student-athletes would rub his head for good luck on their games. Students have been wondering why they lost the championship last year in 2023. He knew. However, after years of teaching, an anonymous student has caught him in the act. Alone in the teacher’s lounge, Mr. Stadtmiller had a very stressful day with an itchy scalp in desperation for fresh air.
According to the student, he looked around to ensure no one was watching him. She peeked through the door in distress seeing what she thought was him removing his skin, then was the sight of long brunette wavy hair flowing from the scalp. He then proceeded to comb out the knots with his fingers. Suddenly, through the corner of his eye, he saw a quick flash of light and realized his bald cap secret had been discovered. The jig was up.
The Obsession Starts….
After The Barron Perspective confronted him, Mr. Stadtmiller confessed that he first bought a bald cap 10 years ago in 2014. He originally bought it because his coworkers were getting looked down upon for being bald and he felt bad. However, to our surprise, he became frantically obsessed with it. Mr. Stadtmiller states that he wore them to functions even outside of school as well because the way it created a new form of him.
“Honestly, I loved how it made my head look so smooth and shiny. I would get compliments daily so why stop?”
Teachers Respond
Mr Semmens, “ I always knew that he wasn’t bald I had my suspicions. One time we were talking at lunch and I saw what seemed to be a lace lifting. He needs stronger glue. He walked away from me mid-conversation after realizing what I was looking at. Always knew something was off since that day.”
“Honestly, I don’t have much to say,” said Mr. Casey. “I appreciate the effort to increase our mental health, but, I’m not even sad I don’t know what this accusation is. I am content with my baldness. I just feel a little attacked. Honestly, I say let the hair down and throw away that bald cap. I wish I had luscious hair like that, he should be put on Miss Universe. That amazing hair and blue eyes could take him far. “
The Hair Continues…
After Mr.Stadtmiller’s secret riled up the school, we wonder… is the facade of being bald going to continue?
Students of his Graphic Animation class have told us he did a class speech stating that he will embrace the hair now, keep it healthy, and make people with alopecia feel united again.
After a decade of this ongoing obsession, he finally decided to give it up. In hopes that students will support him.
Editors update – After the attention of the article since it’s release. Producers at the TV Show “My Strange Addiction” have contacted him for a contract to film two episodes on his previous addiction to bald caps. A Camera Crew has been seen following him in the halls as of recent days. Episodes are rumored to air May 30, 2025. Are you ready?
