Hockey Team and JROTC Form Political Group
The Woodbridge High School Hockey Team stands together as they recite their anthem, titled “The Ballad of The Barron Race,” in unison in front of their flag. The design of The Barron Race’s flag was based off of the pride that the players had for their school, as well as their love for the sport of ice hockey.
April 1, 2018
The Woodbridge High School hockey team has recently founded a right-wing political club in the school. Joining their efforts are the members of the WHS JROTC, who serve as a standing army.
Due to the political tensions present in modern America, the WHS hockey team felt that they needed an outlet to express themselves. The team saw that the only way to achieve this was to create an organization from the ground up.
A senior hockey team member, who wishes to remain anonymous, saw 2018 as the perfect time to act. “You know, bro, I see people attacking my bro Trump out there and it’s just really bad. They think he’s just some big meanie, but he’s just really misunderstood. I hope to represent all my conservative bros and sistuhs [sic] ,” said the hockey player.
However, the group, who calls themselves “The Barron Race,” has faced some severe opposition from other entities in the school. The WHS History Department has said that the group is very ignorant of their history and lacks social awareness as a whole.
Fortunately for the group, the JROTC has offered their extensive knowledge of good citizenship and military protocol. The two factions hope to legitimize the group as a national organization, even if it means using extreme force.
A freshman JROTC cadet, who also wishes to remain anonymous, is excited about the collaboration. “I mean, geez, I don’t know a whole lot about politics, but these guys speak loudly and quickly, so they must be onto something here,” said the cadet.
So far, the JROTC forces have been used to search students for drugs and unregulated science textbooks promoting the theory of evolution. While there are leaked rumors of invading JFK High School, The Barron Race has refused to deliver a public statement regarding it.
The leader of the organization, who wishes to be known as “Grandmaster Tolkien,” pursues an aggressive policy of expansion and propaganda. “We hope to intellectualize the nation with our message of American exceptionalism and what it truly means to be a Barron,” said Tolkien.
The Barron Race hold their meetings on Fridays at 9 PM in the kids section of the Woodbridge Public Library. Propaganda and light refreshments are distributed at these meetings for anybody interested in joining the group.
