A new rule has been enacted that all stairwells in Woodbridge High School are “up” only. Junior, Jack Golden, has been stuck on the third floor ever since the rule came into effect on March 28th.

This semester, the administration decided to crack down on the stair rules because too many kids were trying to “finesse” shorter ways to get to their lockers. Vice Principal Mr. Perry said, “It surprised me to see that my ex-announcer voice did not phase kids when they were sneaking down the middle stairs, so we decided to implement a new policy to fix the situation.”

In  typical Woodbridge fashion, the rules are still not being followed by students, minus one outstanding student in Jack Golden. On March 28th, Golden was walking up the stairs and didn’t realize until after class that there was no way for him to get down.

This predicament has lead to an uproar in questioning on why this rule was put in place and if the administration expected this to happen as a result. English Department head Mrs. Zarestky said, “I allowed the rule to be passed because what better place is there to be stuck than the English Department’s floor.”

The department was helpful and fed Jack their favorite vegan snacks, only limiting him from touching Mr. Jago’s chocolate stash.

First responders arrived around 10 pm with Jack’s insulin and his favorite food, toenail fettuccine, catered by Chartwells night school meals. In delivering this food, Chartwells employee and student favorite “sandwich lady” got stuck as well.

Mrs. Golden, in a surprisingly relaxed state said, “It’s okay, we still have  his brother Joe.”

Waiting for Jack on the first floor were his best friends. His brother, Na’im ‘The Dream’ Kinsey said, “I’m worried about my boy, Jackaroo is a good white man, hopefully Mr.Lottmann can get him down, that big fella always gets the job done.”

Now two weeks later the school has still failed to get Jack down leaving a school mourning for a friend and beloved student, and sandwiches.