Crocists Convert Students to Crocism Cult


Michael Thomas

A shrine erected by Crocists which they worship. They say it “helped bring the synergy” from the Crocs to them.

Michael Thomas, Editor

An uptick of Croc wearing among Woodbridge High School students is being attributed to a school cult known as “Crocism”. As Crocs take over, some WHS members worry.

“Crocism is nothing but full of deviants and scoundrels, or ‘Crocists’, as they call themselves…” said WHS Vice Principal Mr. Perry, “… we will no longer tolerate their actions.”

Crocism’s Crocists, who have been known to be active since Croc’s late 2010’s comeback, have become more prominent since the 2020 resurgence of the footwear, though, as WHS was all virtual for most of the 2020-2021 school year, their presence wasn’t that eminent.

However, as in-person schooling returned, some, such as Mr. Perry, believe Crocists are, “Running a muck and ruining day-to-day Woodbridge High School activities.”

Since the return, Crocists have made their presence known in a multitude of ways. Their tactics include harassing non-Croc-wearing students and staff and boycotting extracurricular activities, most notably athletics.

To find the reason for the boycotts, the Perspective searched out the leader of the cult for comment, and after extensive bargaining, an interview was able to be secured. Part of the deal was to keep the leader anonymous, referring to them as “Leader X”.

Leader X said that in the Crocist Manifesto, what they said guides Crocists in their actions, a verse speaks of not participating in “anti-Croc” functions, something they said includes WHS sporting events.

To meet Crocistic standards, Leader X said, “All we ask is for athletes to stop harming themselves with cleats and sneakers and convert to the everlasting comfort of Crocs.”

Athletes did not conform to these demands. In response, Crocists began not attending sporting events, significantly cutting attendance. 

Commenting on the effect Crocists have had on sports, WHS Athletic Director Mr. Ward said, “In the beginning of the school year, these boycotts were nothing but noise. But as the school year progressed, we began to see dwindling attendance.”

He added, “Certain sports will have to be cut due to the loss of ticket and concession revenue.”

Moreover, in recent weeks, Crocists have accelerated their efforts to convert all of WHS to Crocism. Reports of this indicate Crocists stealing the shoes off of people’s feet and burning them in mass.

As Crocism proliferates, a growing resistance of “sneakerheads’” have taken to curb their influence. Funded by the Board of Education, they give out sneakers to WHS and help Crocists trying to escape the cult.

Leader X added, “Those who resist and don’t conform shall be condemn to an eternity in Crocs-free hell!”

Whatever the future may hold for Crocists, Leader X said, “We’ll go out like we’re in Waco if we have to. Whatever it may take. Unquestionably, we’ll fight to the very end!”